Medliorate

Improving medical students

April Fool’s Day – Medical Jokes

Posted by medliorator on April 1, 2008

Three old guys are talking about the problems of aging. “I have to stand there forever to get my pee going.” “Yeah,” says another. “And I’m always constipated, Pitiful.” Third guy says, “Well, with me it’s just like clockwork: every morning at 6 am I urinate; at 7 I have a nice bowel movement, and around 8, I wake up.”

Doctor: Well, I have good news and bad news.
Patient: Go with the good news first.
Doctor: You have 24 hours to live.
Patient: What?! How about the bad news?
Doctor: I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday.

How do you tell the difference between a phlebotomist and a urologist?
A phlebotomist pricks your finger.

Dr. Jones goes to the retirement home for his monthly rounds. He sees Joe and asks him, “Joe, how much is three times three?” Joe responds “59.” He goes over to Tom and asks, “Tom, how much is three times three?” Tom responds, “Wednesday.” He finally goes over to John and asks, “John, how much is three times three?” “NINE” replies John. “That’s right …now how did you come to that answer?” “It was easy…I just subtracted 59 from Wednesday!”

Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer?
Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer.

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